2020 Edition; February
“Because I’m oily, YOU POTATO!”
“Hamlet’s a bit of a meme really”
“I’m still having a mental breakdown over the baby cows…”
A: THE BABY YODA SHREK!
[Teacher walks in]
Teacher: ...What did you just call me?“Sorry, just had a meltdown as I found a spider in my bed”
“I defy all laws of physics, it’s damn possible ;)”
“Come on Jenny! Give me that muffin! I’m giving you my placenta pills for free, remember?”
A: I appreciate your existence. B: Now, THAT’S the type of thing I want to see in my Valentine’s card.
“How to know which quotes are Charlotte’s? Are there any food or biological terms?”
[Despite being a virgin] “And I’m still a prostitute apparently”
“Wait, what are they called… I’ve had a mind blank… Oh wait… tRaFfIc LiGhTs!”
A: I tried to wiggle my ears in my sleep and I just ended up farting.
B: You can’t wiggle your ears, you can’t roll your tongue, ARE YOU CAPABLE OF ANYTHING?!
A: ...My body is completely inadequate :(*Yoda voice* “The bromance is STRONG with this one”
“You can’t build a house by putting a roof on first” (...I mean, they're not wrong?)
“I have a muffin though, so everything’s fine.”
A: I’m having a depression session B: Oh please, I have been 5x a week. C: That’s not a session, that’s a lifestyle.
“Just stop hiding in a f***ing cake”
“If I have to go through it with my virtual Sheers, I will!”
“Oh my god! I love *Insert teacher’s name* so much! So much I’d invite him to my wedding!”
A: I’m having to do so much adulting lately and I hate it :’(
B: Oh no! Adulting sucks, I’m trying to avoid it as much as I can
A: I failed my driving test XD
And tomorrow I have to go for an eye test ALONE
Like an ADULT“I mean...They’re lovely, but they’re ~VERY~ Shropshire”
“Me-time over He-time, am I right?”
A: If it’s not too much trouble at all, I’ll be visiting your house uninvited soon B: We’re moving in C: We’re breaking in D: ...Guys you don’t need to break in, I’m perfectly capable of opening a door
[Whilst handing out more sheets of paper] *Scottish accent* “WAHHH!! Do you hear that? It’s the sound of the American rainforest crying.”
“Because when life gives you burgers; you eat them.”
A: Because we’re iconic. Obviously.
But let’s face it
When it comes to quotes we will never surpass Charlotte
We are merely her disciples
And she is our messiah
B: Ohmigawd... Charlotte IS the Pope!
A: Charlotte’s our Pope and we are devote quote-nuns. She blesses us daily with her iconic quotes that are stringed together from nowhere. The Quotebook shall be our Bible. I love this society that we’re building; Kayleigh as World President, Charlotte as the Pope. I want this to be our future, not crippling from old age on a burning rock as we sip outraged tea from our plastic care homes below sea level…
*outdated
*not outraged
Although if this is our future the tea WILL be spilt in outrage“Ahhhhhh well I hope we find a way to save these conversations so we can look back with nostalgia as we watch distant slips of plastic float past from our window… Can’t wait” (Little does she know about the Quote-Book)
“Just imagining that I faint again and the ambulance guys go through my phone contacts and are like ‘She knows the Pope and the World President?!’”
CONDOMS CAN BE BLACK, STOP BEING RACIST!
“Oh don’t pretend you don’t have bumhole hairs Charlotte”
“And that’s the message from ‘Paradise Lost’, don’t drink Cider kids!”
A: So if Kayleigh’s running the world as President and Charlotte’s busy being the Pope, and we’re in care homes, wtf is Issy up to?!
B: Best selling author who has donated her life savings to set up the only cat sanctuary on planet Earth, keeping alive the last driving cats underwater and saving the species from extinction
*Surviving
I mean I would love to see cats drive
Maybe that’ll happen in the 2060s?
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