2019 Edition
I stopped being a vegetarian. ...I fancied a Chinese.
“I’m going to look at pictures of cats to make me feel better.”
“Why would you kill your fellow ginger?!”
“Only a lunatic brings a baseball bat to a gun fight?!”
Skirrid Hill is literally: - 'SEX!', - 'YAY I’m Welsh', or - 'I have Mummy and Daddy issues' the book.
“When depression hits, just do some silly s***!”
“Umm I’m your Maid of Honour! Not *Insert Name*, not *Insert Name*! ME! I’M YOUR PHONE BACKGROUND!”
“It’s Charlotte-proof!”
[After writing several essays and generally being really motivated]
A: What were you thinking about? Whatever it was you need to channel that energy-
B: ...I was thinking about cheese.[An actual quote from one of my teachers] “Now remember this is a very hard year. Most of you will end up crying.”
“Both of you stop stressing, you need to sleep tonight and I can’t be arsed to be group mum after 8pm!”
"A bit nibbly”
We’re just gonna go sabotage some people’s lives! ...Pop back in a bit?
“Mrs *Insert Teacher's Name*’s p***ed me off. ...She doesn’t see me as a bad*** b****!”
“Hate portaloos with a passion.”
“I don’t remember, because my BRAIN IS A F***ING PASTA DRAINER! EVERYTHING THAT GOES IN JUST GOES OUT!”
A: “What’s you guys’s opinion of the Boston Tea Party?”
B: "...The Cafe?”“I am the ULTIMATE embryo.”
Jenny! I am NOT taking a sperm pill!”
“Yeah, but. Where’s the Tango Ice Blast Machine?!”
How to know if somethings a liquid? When you drop it not go S M A S H, it go S P L A S H.
“What’s weak about this claim? Well, it’s in Italian sooo... I can’t really understand it.”
[Said whilst T-Posing] “I see no gods here... Except me.”
“Greasy locks are so in, ~DARLING~!”
Kill me now. But. Actually. Don’t. Not yet. Maybe when I’m 100.
“I WILL BE THE TRAILER TRASH OF NOTTINGHAM!”
“STOP THROWING THINGS AT MY MOUTH!”
“I’ve been a salty b**** since I was yanked out of my own womb!”
But I’m actually a flexitarian now. ...I have too many weaknesses.
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