Texts I’ve received in Quarantine with absolutely no context whatsoever

2020 edition: August

---

A: God bless this man
B: LEGEND
A: I know he is, but what are you? What am I? What is being a student without *insert teacher’s name*'s lessons?
B: He is a deity: beyond any human comprehension
C: I agree *insert teacher’s name* is a legend

• "Basically humans and doggies = v social beans"

• "Hominins is my new favourite word"

A: I hope that was worth the loss of my Pinterest rabbit hole
B: Twas

There's a rule I call 'Don't waste your time on a man who won't give you tiny alpaca babies' And I live by that.

A: Lmao it's a bit wonky
B: Character, Kayleigh, it adds character.

• "Thank you, thank you, I do have my occasional moments of brilliance. I'm here all week"

• "Well there we go, call me Shakespeare because I just made up a word'

A: Mental hugs being projected
B: Much appreciated and returned

He was like THE WORST student ever. He once threw concrete at a teacher.

A: Jenny I don't know how to feel about the use of pun here
B: You should feel intimidated
A: I believe the words 'oh for Petra's sake, really??' come to mind
*pete's ...I don't know a Petra

• "Do you guys think it's acceptable to take a cup of tea to a fancy sort of... meeting... thing?"

• "I bought a hot glue gun and I feel dangerous"

A: I'm FINE with running across the county
B: You? Running?

I'm making an elevator to hell! ...It's called a 'Hellevator'.

A: You can't hide Twila
I saw 😉
B: I can't grammar today, don't @ me

• "How can something so beautiful be crafted from such anger??"

• "I'm a breathing, walking-talking idiot, you guys. Alive and in the flesh a real true idiot 🙃"

A: But it's ok. Life throws stuff at you and you've just got to dodge them
B: ...But I'm s*** at dodge ball

Just go and boss your degree And get famous And marry someone rich (Honestly, these are words to live by)

A: A woman told me to smile
B: Mood
C: Can confirm, 'tis a mood

• "This is why we only have cacti 🌵"

• "Grand, want to meet up before results day so we can panic ✨together✨?"

A: The current geological age is called the Anthropocene cuz we've changed the planet so much lol
B: That's a fun fact
A: We've not got to the brink yet, there's still time
B: Enter Greta Thunberg
C: Kicking and screaming and refusing to leave without a bloody good fight

Literally me and my laptop! ...It's a love/hate relationship

A: You cannot run from your destiny
B: Utter desolation?

• "I'm thoroughly disappointed by the lack of starfish emoji"

• [insert cowboy voice, think Clint Eastwood] "You're walkin' a fine line missy!"

A: Dr Haarvey, Professor of Archeology (and if you don't turn into a female Indiana Jones type, I won't be mad, just mildly disappointed)
B: oH mY gOd yessss
'Dr Harvey and the Temple of Doom'
'Dr Harvey and the Raiders of the Lost Ark'
C: Sorry I'll never be fit enough to be Lara Croft 😂
A: Well take up mountain climbing, I mean you can already fence
B: And arch (I don't know if there is a verb for archery or if I'm just being plain dumb, I probably am. So take this as an alternative verb, ok) 
A: Oh what are those snow pick axe thingys Lara uses to climb mountains with? Got any of those handy?
C: Lol I really want to learn axe/dagger throwing, does that count?
A: Abso-freakin'-lutely it counts!
B: You're fit for your own franchise!
A: I second the motion
C: You're forgetting one very important thing mate
I'm lazy as f***

• "The Sutton name is Voldemort"

• [whilst eating a giant marshmallow] "THIS. This is youth."

A: We are on FIRE tonight!
B: I feel more like a flickering candle, but you go girl