2020 Edition; May
A: Oh god it’s just us
B: It always ends this way
You’ll probs be the only one at my funeral
A: Do you think we’re sitting exams in another dimension?
B: Hope it, I dunno.
Do I even exist in another dimension?
A: If there are infinite universes then I suppose we won’t exist in all of them.
B: Shame.
Maybe a better version of me exists there who doesn’t procrastinate
A: O.M.G! What if we were ourselves but another sperm won the race so our DNA would be completely different…
I suppose that still means we don’t exist
B: Yeah I’ve often wondered if it would still be me if a different sperm had won in the IVF clinic
C: …I leave, for like, 5 MINUTES and THIS is what I find when I get back?!Why you digging in my vagina? Where are you going child?
A: Remember the sleepover at yours where I convinced I had toe cancer?
…It was a blister.
B: I mean… Toe cancer though?
Is that even a thing?Don’t you want to know how to say potato in German?
A: I’ve downloaded in lockdown
No
Down-Glowed
B: What do have you downloaded?
A: The Down-Glow app or maybe I uninstalled the Glow-Up app
B: Oooo what is it?
A: Sorry bad metaphor got too stretched and out of hand, basically saying I look s***er than before. ...It’s just a giant cushion of a small tiger?
A: What if I’m permanently lowering my IQ by not sleeping?
B: Does that qualify me for ‘Love Island’?Jesus f*** s***, she’s a big baby
A: My counsellor thinks I have a trust issue
B: *sarcastically* No way!
A: I DON’T TRUST THAT ELEVATORS WILL LET ME OUT!
I mean who likes metal cages?!
B: It’s not a cage.
A: It’s an enclosed metal box!
B: …But the word cage implies entrapment?
A: Exactly.[Despite being female] “I’ll be daddy”
A: I wanna big hug from you all
B: Me tooooo
A: Don’t squish me though, I’m claustrophobic
B: Oh.A: Yo, doesn’t it suck when you can’t breathe?
B: I love breathing, breathing for life.
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