Texts I’ve received in Quarantine with absolutely no context whatsoever

2020 Edition; April

As I’m sure you’re aware, most countries are under lockdown and schools are closed. So all these quotes are from over text or video chat. This hasn't stopped the silliness, however. If anything, the prolonged periods of isolation have made it significantly worse...

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A: Eurovision is cancelled :( :( :(
B: I mean it’s not surprising but still. Tragic :(
A: …I love Eurovision
C: Charlotte you have bigger concerns surely! x
A: Yeah but Eurovision ❤️

B****ES ARE TELLING ME I SPENT MONTHS LEARNING S***Y GUITAR PIECES FOR NOTHING

A: I’m going to get the Wii Fit working again I mean I don’t exercise anyway and I have fields to run and walk in, but  ~memories~
B: My physiotherapist literally prescribed me Wii Fit. So. Same.

Yeah like they won’t be giving the lads that cause trouble As and abs *Bs Not abs

[Upon finding out schools were closing]
A: I’m so shook
B: I’m quaking
A: Education systems are QUAKING

Sorry I got lost in a surreal entertainment video depicting a demented Tom Nook from animal crossing

A: What do you meannnn? WHY R U REVISING
B: In case I have to resit exams in September 
A: But… why tho???

*Insert Teacher’s Name* needs to STOP DO I LOOK LIKE I WANT A CATCH UP NO

A: Peeps [starts video chat, no one joins] 
I need to show ya’ll something!!!
B: I’m washing my dog!
…What is it?
A: [starts video chat, no one joins] 
Why is everyone so boring
Peeps
B: I’m wet
A: Nah
Ya
Not
B: I’M WASHING MY DOG
A: I just wanna discuss my Christmas socks in Spring
And y’all like no
It’s the best day of ma life today
It’s like everyone has disappeared off the face of the earth
Peeps I need human contact
B: …My dog ran away

[Looks at all the revision she has to do] I’m gonna just become a Fortnite pro

A: I might just learn the London Underground map by heart for fun tbh
B: *sarcastically* I thought you would
A: One day when you’ve all lost your underground maps it will be useful!

So she’s trapped us and muted us Rude And then told us to leave Well b**** we can’t

A: True tho I’ve gone from borderline depressed to super relaxed in 2 days
B: SAME
A: Stress is melting away
B: I haven’t had a mental breakdown in like 42 hours who am I?!
A: And my appetite is coming back
B: However my Fortnite addict is getting worse

What was the ‘final sprint’ has now become a marathon

A: I can’t let my brain go to mush for 6 months
B: That’s what I’m doing XD But yeah never copy what Kayleigh does
C: Kayleigh, why are you referring to yourself in the 3rd person?

I’ve been cleaning for 2 years :( *2 days

A: Ok is it just me or have all the memes drastically altered in style and humour since we’ve gone into lockdown? I feel like someone needs to address this.
B: Ohmigawd THAT’S your top priority? 😂😂 
A: Like I said someone needs to address it!
B: Ok, ok, you are now in charge of the meme department. Your job to uphold the quality of memes and orchestrate the weekly meme review.
A: ...I’ve started to document ~memes~
B: Thank you for your report Agent J, the council will reconvene and coincided their final verdict before making their judgement on the quality of these dank memes
A: I’m going to be writing a f***ing thesis on memes in about ten years time analysing the evolution of memes and how their change reflects the developments in behaviour and attitudes within society. 
Get my doctorate in memeology. 
‘What’s your specialism? I just undertook a doctorate in theoretical physics how about you?’ 
Me: ‘ahem yes I specialise in memes’. 
Meme historian with be a thing in 50 years guys.
B: ‘Oh you’re daughters a doctor? How impressive! What of? Law? Psychology?-’ ‘~dAnK mEmEs~’

I have the enthusiasm but not the ability

A: Kora is abusing the one walk-a-day rule She’s been out 3 times today
B: I’ll tell BoJo
A: Yep, he needs to clamp down on cats

What is a good weight for your bum? *BMI NOT BUM

A: I’m gonna do a self care day
B: You always do a self care day
A: I DO NOT
B: Yes, you do.
A: …I’m gonna do a face mask and everything!:D

I’m still not standing!!!

A: I have a bone to pick with you
B: uh oh
A: HOW THE F*** IS NSYNC A FLOP 
NSYNC
IT’S SUCH A CLASSIC THO
HOW CAN ANYONE SAY “BYE BYE BYE” IS BORING

THAT is NOT the dance! It looks like you’re doing backstroke!

A: Guys. I have a dilemma and I need your advise
B: What’s up
A: What language should I try and learn?
B: Gibberish
A: Oh come on Kayleigh you know I’m already fluent

Jenny can’t English today, try again tomorrow

A: This is basically the insta chat but I’m WhatsApp 
*On 
I’m not WhatsApp Before we get any conspiracy theories going
B: Yes. Jenny IS WhatsApp itself.
A: Nonononono guyssss you can’t leak this! This is confidential stuff

...I had an incident with the hoover

A: Kora has Koravirius
B: What are the symptoms?
A: Tired all the time, sudden urge to play with ping pong balls, eating lots of food-
C: Sorry, are we talking about you or the cat?

hE’s jUsT a BlOke WiTh A pIcKlE fOr A hEaD!

[Computer being a pain] 
A: Why are you being awkward, please stop being awkward!!
B: Me, to my brain every time I do anything social

A: I'm making veggie spag bol!
...May or may not be sampling the red wine I added to the sauce
B: How exactly do you define "sampling"?
A: ...A proper glug