As first published in: Whisperings of Anna Issue, No. 20, September/October 2022, pp. 17-20. Whilst chivalry is connoted with the courteous behaviour of men towards women, a medieval social code of societies centuries past, it is in the modern world something long seen as unnecessarily old fashioned and in many cases, dead. So, what does it mean to be a chivalrous lady in the present day? And is there any need to be? Surely, chivalrous behaviour is simply, no longer relevant. Despite, long conversations with my own contemporaries, I’d argue otherwise.
A chivalrous lady, in my opinion, never takes pleasure in the misfortunes of others and chooses her words wisely. She always does her best to follow through on any promises made and does not waste time on things she knows she cannot change. She holds her head high, but never her nose, not allowing a bad day to dictate her mood and manners or falling into thinking she has a bad life. She is original, of course, she may take inspiration, but she never copies or regrets past choices that once made her smile. (note to Anna: I moved this sentence as I did think it was the best sentence to end the article on)
A chivalrous lady carries herself confidently, looks people in the eyes and never underestimates the power of a warm greeting, whether it be to strangers she passes by or always offering the tradesman a cup of tea (or equivalent). She is gracious, opting to say “pleasure to meet you” than “hello” and remains conscious of her body language, always rising from her seat to shake someone’s hand and can say “thank you” no matter where she goes. She doesn’t crave the centre of attention, able to do something nice and expect nothing in return. She avoids false compliments and is a thoughtful gift-giver, never arriving at a party empty-handed. Conversely, she is grateful for all the small gifts and gestures she receives, and is able to take a compliment as well as she can give one.
A chivalrous lady is aware it’s not necessarily what she says but how she says it. In a conversation, she is interested as well as interesting and calls within reasonable hours. She avoids gossip and always keeps secrets safe, knowing when she’s mistaken and when to apologise. Within the same vein, she upkeeps 'girl-code' and inspires and supports other women, standing by her friends, even when she doesn’t agree with them and defends them in their absence. She never abandons her friends for a partner or potential partner, especially if intoxicated. She never lets her friend go to a public bathroom alone and always checks in on her friends whilst they’re on a first date, ensuring they make it home safely. She is her own saviour and knight in shining armour she wishes she had, gently informing others if they are having a wardrobe malfunction and rescuing any girl she sees being courted unwantedly.
At home, a chivalrous lady teaches her son to iron his shirts and her daughter to change a fuse. She sends her partner flowers and never assumes they’ll pay, she always offers and is grateful when her partner does. She doesn’t need someone to complete her, but someone who accepts her completely and doesn’t fall for words, but actions. She calls instead of texts to initiate a date and offers to swap plates if her partner doesn’t like their food or to pop to the shops on their behalf. She knows when someone is spoken for and never kisses and tells. She can tie (and untie) a bow tie and knows how and when to take control in both the bedroom and the boardroom.
A chivalrous lady knows distraction is what ultimately kills dreams and if she doesn’t build her own, someone will hire her to build theirs. She is detail-oriented, taking pride in everything she does and respects everything she owns. She can silence a man with a stare and to quote Marie from ‘The Aristocats’ (1970, dir. by Wolfgang Reitherman), she
Doesn’t start fights, but can finish them
She is aware that confidence is quiet and insecurities are loud, guarding her heart and her thoughts and opts to show not tell her achievements. She never settles for less and knows her gut instinct is her most valuable asset and her smile is her best accessory (although a good pair of shoes never killed anyone).
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